potential overshare

fuck yeah america!

2008-11-05T00:13:00.001-08:00

my weekend in pictures from google image search

2008-10-27T23:10:00.000-07:00

My coworkers and I had a little party...

...after awhile with my coworkers, I hopped on over to a cocktail party...

... so I wake up Saturday morning with the World's Worst Hangover...

... my friend Tasha and I go to the sauna because that might help ease the pain...

...which it did, so I was up and ready on Sunday to work extra time as usual...

... and actually came back to not do so great at pub trivia! A weekend well worth it.

Take that, actual writing!

hooray

2008-10-23T20:08:00.000-07:00

I've had a horrendous week-- partially of my doing, partially of my workplace's doing, partially of nature's doing. I have been in a pretty foul mood.

Until, of course, I saw this:

My only non-ironic laugh of the week. Yay.

a break from my break

2008-10-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

Actually back to blogging. Actually making another attempt to attaining balance between life and work. I'm going to make a low goal here for once a month.

Hooray. Again. No promises this time.

"vacation" in iowa

2008-04-20T18:57:00.001-07:00

I'm not very good at vacation. It doesn't help that "vacation" means a trip back to Iowa which is like a trip to being fourteen-- I'm stuck in the house, with my mom, with very little to do that doesn't require borrowing the car. Serious mother-daughter time. I love my mom, I love my hometown, I love not being at work, but in my precious time off I've barely left the house and I've done all what I feel that Indianola has to offer. I've...

gone to the mall (bigger than god)
eaten more food than I can handle (feeling kinda oogy now, but I know I'll miss midwestern eating)
paced the house (again and again)
looked at the internet obsessively (why won't you email me???)
watched reality tv

At times I feel like I need to decide to have fun, or at least grudgingly come around to the idea. In the meantime, I will just nap on the couch and let my parents fatten me up. I was so excited to be here, but I need some time to truly decompress. I had a list of goof-off things to do when I got home, thought it looks like that's out the window at this point-- all plans require cars and high school friends who are no longer in town. Oh well. Naptime.

life with my parents

2008-04-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

My mother's comment: "I'll bet you he makes a tiny poop!"

sitting around on a couch in fuzzy pants eating a chicken salad sandwich

2008-04-17T15:02:00.001-07:00

i am so on vacation right now.

i just introduced my mom to youtube, and she was hooked at the sight of this:

my secret shame

2008-04-12T01:59:00.001-07:00

I get way too excited about my birthday. Ahem:

Rising Sign is in 14 Degrees Scorpio
You tend to be quiet, reserved, secretive and, at times, quite difficult to understand. Others notice your deep emotions and feelings and wonder how to draw you out. Stubborn and tough, you fight for any position you believe in. You are very resourceful and formidable when you become angered or upset about something. You enjoy living life at the cutting edge -- for you life must be experienced intensely and totally. Quite courageous, you are willing to take calculated risks. Easily hurt by others, you often strike back with bitter sarcasm. Sensitive and curious, you are concerned with the deeper mysteries of human psychology. Once you have become interested in any subject, you pursue it with total fanaticism.

Sun is in 25 Degrees Aries.
By nature, you are very energetic and high-spirited. You are fiercely independent -- you must be first in everything you do, and you enjoy taking risks. You are the one who will rush in where angels fear to tread. Quite brilliant at initiating new projects, you are terrible at following them through to completion. You are an enthusiastic leader but you tend to be a reluctant follower. Often you are quick to anger, but you usually recover just as fast, regretting later things you said when you were upset. One of your best traits is that you are simple and direct, blunt and honest -- just be careful you do not hurt others' feelings. Your need to be competitive at all costs may provoke resistance from others, but, as long as you maintain your usual Sunny good humor, this should not prove to be a major problem for you.

Moon is in 00 Degrees Gemini.
Restless in the extreme, you are easily bored because of your short attention span. Your emotions change rapidly and you love to talk about your feelings. Generally, you have good judgment -- your intellect controls your emotions and you do not overreact emotionally to things. A good jack-of-all-trades, you have many- sided interests and enjoy reasoning things through. With your mental agility and need for physical mobility, you are attracted to traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. You have vivid powers of emotional self-expression - - you can be a nonstop talker. You love to share your ideas with anyone who will listen.

Mercury is in 14 Degrees Taurus.
A slow and careful thinker, you like to present ideas visually and concretely. Abstractions are quite difficult for you to understand. For you, everything must be practical and useful in order to merit your attention. You are a perfectionist -- you enjoy being skillful enough to handle the dexterity required of fine craftsmanship. Cautious and conservative in your thinking, you are very slow to change your opinions. You are more apt to respond to an appeal to your feelings than to an appeal to logic or reason.

Venus is in 03 Degrees Gemini.
You are friendly, warm, open and tolerant toward others. You love variety in relationships, indeed you may even prefer to maintain more than one relationship at a time! Very witty and humorous, you have the ability to amuse and please others. This makes you quite popular. You love to play the field and thus find it difficult to settle down and make any deep emotional commitments. Your innate charm and vivacity makes you welcome most everywhere you go.

Mars is in 07 Degrees Taurus.
Careful, slow and thorough about all that you do, at times you are also willful and stubborn when others try to alter your course. You are definitely not a quitter -- you will work long and hard to get what you want. Your possessions are very important to you. One of your continuing problems is that you tend to regard the significant people in your life much the same way as you do your possessions -- you become overly attached and much too jealous. You repress your anger when you get upset and that is not healthy. Try to learn to show your anger immediately in order to avoid painful explosions later.

Jupiter is in 10 Degrees Sagittarius.
You have a very strong sense of ethics and morality. You are widely read and may also be widely traveled because you are sincerely interested in expanding your knowledge of the world about you. At times, you have an annoying tendency to be self-righteous and preachy about your belief system. You are usually quite idealistic and you demand the right to be able to explore the entire world of experiences yourself. Remember to grant others the similar right -- be tolerant, not dogmatic.

Saturn is in 01 Degrees Scorpio.
You tend to release emotional energies only very reluctantly. This is partly due to your fear of what horrible calamity might occur should they be released -- your emotions are terribly complicated and intense. Try not to repress these energies entirely, however, or you will succumb to negative and destructive forms of compulsive behavior. Give yourself the freedom to look awkward or silly once in a while. The relief you feel will be quite therapeutic and the embarrassment (whether it is real or imagined) will pass quickly.

Uranus is in 08 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.

Neptune is in 29 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 28 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.
N. Node is in 26 Degrees Gemini.
You will consciously seek out many different contacts with others throughout your life. Many of these will be of very short duration, not necessarily because you're fickle, but just because you always seem to be more excited by the prospect of meeting someone new rather than prolonging your present relationships. At any rate, you will learn something new from almost everyone you come across -- intellectual stimulation is what you crave from others. You will be well known to neighbors and relatives, partly due to your curiosity about what they're doing -- you delight in keeping up-to-date about the latest news (and gossip).

i made peanut sauce

2008-04-10T19:35:00.000-07:00

... and it was delicious! Most of the time, without a recipe, or without watching someone else make the food before I try making it myself, a dish will be an utter disaster. This time I must say I did well with just a rumbly in my tumbly and some basic ingredients:

Start with a small frying pan and place it on the stove on medium heat.
Add a layer of sesame oil, and a healthy drizzle of honey.
As the oil and honey heat, add two large scoops of chunky peanut butter. Stir the peanut butter into the hot oil-honey mix.
Drop in a splash (a tablespoon?) of soy sauce. Stir in, and keep stirring until the whole pan starts to foam.
Once the pan starts to foam, remove the pan from heat (and try not to freak out). Stir in sriracha to taste.
Eat on cheapo noodles.

I'm so proud of myself. I'm so bad at writing recipes.

how i manage my pms

2008-04-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the delay in "whambien part 2". Suffice it to say, I did survive, it didn't work out like I was hoping-- neither in a funny story or in a more cogent next day. I've been doing things that were blog-worthy, but I've been delayed by my brain chemistry. If you don't know already, I endure a little something called PMDD or full-on ovarian mutiny. Like most ladies, I have the PMS, but unlike most ladies, I have the PMS to the point where it impedes on the functioning of my life. I would have something interesting to write about it, but instead I'm feeling lazy and will refer you to what someone else had to say that I would say if I were smarter and more creative. It might be the most accurate account of intense lady-craziness that I have ever read:

How I Manage My PMS

More entries next week when I return to the living.

whambien

2008-04-03T23:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2006/07/31/060731sh_shouts

SHOUTS & MURMURS about recipes using the sleeping pill Ambien, which causes nighttime eating. Sorpresa con Queso Ingredients: 7 bags Cheetos, 17 to 19 glasses tap water, 5 mg. Ambien Place Cheetos bags in cupboard. Take Ambien, fall asleep. Wait 2-3 hours, then sleepwalk to kitchen, tear cupboard doors off hinges in search of Cheetos…eat contents of all 7 bags… Icebox Melange…Take Ambien, fall asleep…sleepwalk to kitchen. Devour everything in refrigerator…Belch loud enough to wake wife or girlfriend. When she enters kitchen, bellow, “Can't you see I'm working here?”… Tummy Cake…Take Ambien, fall asleep. Wake up in kitchen, mixing eggs, flour, Crisco, and milk in-for some reason-a mop bucket…Retrieve bucket from kitchen, drink entire contents in 3-5 gulps… Nhi Ho Trang Phu…Lay out beef jerky and Gatorade on nightstand…Take Ambien, fall asleep. After 2-3 hours, awaken half-submerged in a rice paddy in the jungle lowlands just north of the Mekong Delta….

In a few minutes I will be taking Ambien to sleep (I can't think of another reason to take it, it doesn't seem like a very fun drug) for the very first time. I'm more than a little nervous. Will I drink nine glasses of tap water? Will I drive my car willy-nilly all over the streets of Portland? (Will that be any different than usual if that actually happens? Probably not.) As a lifelong insomniac, I have a hard time imagining what a day on a full night of sleep will be like. I once had a job schedule that allowed me to sleep my natural hours-- 2am to 10am. Even when I had the time to do that, there would be days when I couldn't fall asleep. Will I be a completely different person after my first full night of sleep since working for The Big Movie Rental Company? More pleasant? More boring? The anxiety of it all is making me edgy, and if it weren't for the prescription itself I would probably not be able to sleep a wink tonight.

Yikes. Here goes nothing.

random stuff found in my purse

2008-04-02T17:48:00.000-07:00

My purse is a black hole of doom, where items go in and only come out at the most inappropriate moment. Last night, while out at my local pub, I was digging around for some change and instead found:

a diaper
three little notebooks
an "over the door" coathook
five pens
another, smaller purse

... but of course, there is no change for the jukebox. Nice.

about me

2008-03-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a child welfare social worker, a book reader, a cameraphobe, a "creative person", a serious nerd and a longtime confirmed workaholic.

A few months ago a coworker said to me, "You know, [we have these cool jobs but] I'm really a boring guy. I work ten hours a day, four or five hours on Sunday, go home and then go back to work! The last three day weekend we had, I thought I was going to lose my mind, I had absolutely nothing to do." At the time I laughed and agreed, but the more I think about it the sadder that little truth about our lives made me.

This blog is my little attempt to grow by recording bits of my personal life (I'll try to leave out the yucky work stuff as much as possible) in hopes of fostering a better one.

movie distribution phone monkey: the new job

2007-04-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

Today I got to hear a guy from Louisiana call Steven Segal "one baaaaaaadd mamma jamma" and when I agreed with this guy "Why yes, I guess Steven Segal is pretty cool" he corrected me "No! He is a bad mamma jamma!" Twenty minutes later I spent about a half hour explaining how to use the internet to perhaps the dumbest woman on earth. Half an hour. To add "Desperate Housewives" to her list. Half an hour.

Sometimes I have a hard time keeping a straight face at work. Sometimes work makes me wish I were dead.

Just like my last job, strangely enough.

steps to curing a bad day

2007-01-23T23:34:00.000-08:00

Drive home in an aggressive manner.
Huffily smoke cigarettes.
Argue on the internet.
Chop the fuck out of a giant pile of vegetables.
Whine to new roommate.
Go to the gym.
Eat overpriced grocery store sushi.

Yaaay.

government-approved

2006-11-30T23:33:00.000-08:00

I am now officially "QUALIFIED" to become a state child welfare caseworker.

How did I get here? How did this become my life?

things to write about when i am not so tired

2006-11-19T14:53:00.000-08:00

holiday work momentum, angst, resulting job search
gift drive
hypoglycemic rage
"rude to strangers", the documentary
christmas sweater lady and business goth
consumer desire
new music and books

don't ever eat sushi on kappaya on division

2006-11-11T14:52:00.000-08:00

I had food poisoning yesterday and was sicker than I had ever been. I had to go to the emergency room (after calling and crying to friends between barf attacks-- thank you, little light, for rushing me to the hospital and being so patient with me through the whole ordeal, I owe you dinner) and felt ridiculous in the waiting room looking disheveled and miserable, wearing SHORTS, and carrying around a gigantic barf bucket while talking to a freshman dormie who I haven't seen since freshman year and I guess is now an EMT. They stuck me with an IV after a few times trying to find my dissapearing veins and gave me some anti-nausea medicine that burned and made me fall instantly asleep. I liked the ER doctor, who wrote me a prescription and told me if I wasn't feeling so nauseous that I wouldn't be very happy to use the suppository, then I probably didn't need the medicine. When he found out what I do for a living asked me if I heard of the case from a few years ago where a large snake almost ate a baby. I was duly entertained.

I am still feeling kinda weak, but much much better. I tried my first non-bread solid food and it didn't go well, so I am back in bed, very glad that I have an entire season of "Buffy" to watch.

That is my three-day Veteran's Day weekend. Boo.

more dislikes (and one like)

2006-11-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

I don't like being broke. Self-explanitory. Payday is next Thursday, whew.

I don't like the morning commute to Washington County. I'm already late, I'm already upset that I have to go to work, why rub salt in the wound by driving like a total moron?

I don't like coming home from a long week at work only to be witness to my neighbor's domestic disturbance.

I really don't like having to call child welfare on a Friday night. I'm not working, I don't want to.

...

However, I do like schadenfraude. It's my favorite feeling.

things i don't like

2006-11-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

I don't like being cold all day.

I don't like having to work in an office populated by menopausal women and having to deal with the fact that they will always control the thermostat and their preferred temperature is always going to be "fingertip-freezing cold". All year. Should I complain, I recieve the passive-aggressive smile of death and a "funny" comment of my youth. The seed of hate towards fifty-something year old women that was planted from my short stint working at The Fabric Store is starting to grow tiny roots and sprout. I hate you, menopausal women, for making me cold all the time. Go away, fifty-somethings! Unless you're my mom, of course. Mom doesn't turn the heat down to sixty. She turns the heat up to eighty (sometimes a problem). Who are these other women and why aren't they cool like my mom?

I don't like living in a drafty-ass apartment. It is never the right temperature for long enough. Also, why are the heating vents up on the ceiling? Don't you know that no one wants heat on the ceiling? Why is the gas bill so high and yet the apartment so small? Why, oh why, does it feel slightly colder when the heat is blowing? Please, apartment, WTF. I clean you. I stuff your windows with sheets to insulate. I know the thermostat is way down because there is not much money to spend on you. But still. Colder? When the heat is on? No. That is not heat. That is air conditioning. I don't want air conditioning in November.

some weekend grumpiness

2006-10-29T09:10:00.000-08:00

f you've been paying attention (you haven't, I'm sure) I've been dinking around with this site for the last few months trying to make it look somewhat presentable, professional, interesting to the eye. I keep coming back to this-- plain dark text on a white background, and I can't seem to stop. Maybe my blog doesn't look so good right now because it has no content? Perish the thought.

This whole weekend can be described as "boredom punctuated by consumerism". The boredom is pretty much all my fault, I've been cranky and pouty (thank you PMS) and in a mood where if I am not constantly entertained I feel extra-bored. It's not like I don't have anything to do. I have plenty-- there is the endless task of picking up after myself, half-started craft projects, job applications, rent to pay, etc., etc., but I refuse to do any of that shit this weekend. That would be something like work, and it's the weekend, I do not feel like working. Instead, I moped around, sleeping in and feeling lonely. Of course, it didn't occur to me to call anyone or make any plans, but whatever. That's the way being grumpy goes, there's an easy way out but you're too busy being grumpy to do anything about it.

Consumerism. Last night I bought my ticket to Iowa for Christmas. That cost around five-hundred dollars I don't have and I spent some time looking for a paper bag to breathe into afterwards. I hit up Goodwill on Saturday (not a particularly wise choice the Saturday before Halloween), wandered aimlessly and looked for furniture for my extra room. Instead, I found the teacups that go with my china set. Six of them. Perfect. I was very excited. It was all I could do today not to go back to Goodwill and hunt down the saucers, though now I feel like I should have. The teacups:

Friends, I am not just like my mother, I am my mother. I am getting excited just typing about the teacups and kicking myself for not finding the saucers. Which I will probably look for tomorrow after work. So I bought those and a springform cake pan that I have no idea how to use. Then off to Fred Meyer to buy boring stuff like shampoo and toilet paper etc. I am still trying to calm myself down from buying the teacups, I am not lying. Another thing I got excited about this weekend: using coupons at the grocery store. Jesus, I need a life.

Today I woke up all mad at myself for sleeping in and then was told by my computer that daylight savings ended while I was asleep. Thank you computer, because without you I would have never known. An hour earned! Maybe my body will forget tomorrow morning too and I can show up on time for work for once. That would be nice. There was a dish-washing marathon today and minor grocery shopping. The samples at New Seasons today were disappointing (Tortilla chips? Come on, guys.), and I went hungry on purpose. Now I procrastinate other writing projects and rent-paying for just about anything else. Perhaps I will take the train to work tomorrow, since I will be driving hither and yon all over Washington County for the rest of the week, and I could save the wear and tear on the car. Hm, I do love sitting motionless on trains half-awake and staring off into mid-space avoiding eye contact. Actually it doesn't sound like that bad of an idea. We'll see how early I get up tomorrow morning.

Running out of steam. Maybe I will get up and fill out the rent check.

in which i devolve to checklists

2006-10-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

~~Re-start blog.~~
Be less broke.
Get new job.
End headache. (ASAP, please.)
Grocery shopping: carrots, cabbage, tofu.
Go to the gym.
Clean kitchen.
Furnishings: chairs, desk, bookshelves, mirror.
Wall hangings.
Pay off credit cards.
Have more fun.
Clothes: wool socks, tall black boots, dresses.
Dishes. Do them.

a partial history of my stupidity

2006-06-19T00:18:00.000-07:00

Traffic was heavy coming off the bridge
and I took the road to the right, the wrong one,
and got stuck in the car for hours.

Most nights I rushed out into the evening
without paying attention to the trees,
whose names I didn't know,
or the birds, which flew heedlessly on.

I couldn't relinquish my desires
or accept them, and so I strolled along
like a tiger that wanted to spring,
but was still afraid of the wildness within.

The iron bars seemed invisible to others,
but I carried a cage around inside me.

I cared too much what other people thought
and made remarks I shouldn't have made.
I was slient when I should have spoken.

Forgive me, philosophers,
I read the Stoics but never understood them.

I felt that I was living the wrong life,
spiritually speaking,
while halfway around the world
thousands of people were being slaughtered,
some of them by my countrymen.

So I walked on--distracted, lost in thought--
and forgot to attend to those who suffered
far away, nearby.

Forgive me, faith, for never having any.

I did not believe in God,
who eluded me.

-- Edward Hirsch

birthday humiliation!

2006-04-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

The invitation to my birthday party, held awhile before my actual date of birth:

Celebrate the anniversary of my birth with dinner, drinks, and a little public
humiliation! Bring an old angsty diary, old poetry, funny old letters,
etc. to share with the crowd. It's like karaoke but with more embarassment
and less singing.

So on my real birthday, I give you a horrible taste from one of my real diaries... as promised to nonlineagirl...

7.18.03
Another day and I am stuck with the hard decision of whether to do
what I
want to do, or to shower and maintain my excellent hygiene. It feels
like there
is just so much to do in such a short amount of time (clean,
write, prepare,
etc) that I decide I don't want to do anything but sit still
for a few minutes.
Is that so wrong? Yes, apparently. We have another child
with Asperger's
Syndrome. His name is D, and he is polite and considerate
beyond words. I am
wondering if the other shoe will drop soon. In other
news, today is R's
birthday. This leaves me vaugely annoyed and I don't know
why. I suspect it is
because I'm jealous of all the attention. The plus side
is 1) it is also Zach
the Wonderful's (a student) birthday; 2) there will be
cake. So, this is good.
I'm trying my hardest to maintain my resolutions to
be helpful and optimistic
and to drink at least a litre of water every day.
It's proving to be a bit more
difficult than I expected.

... From my time at nerd camp.

actual conversations in my home

2006-04-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

Me: My tummy hurts.

Jake: Oh. Pizza?

Me: No, my uterus is trying to escape from my body.

Jake: Yikes. Mega.

resolutions and resolve

2006-04-09T00:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you to those who showed up for my pre-birthday party. That was fun. I always pull myself into knots of anxiety over any size of gathering of my friends (Which one of you flakes will show up? Will you end up killing each other or staring awkwardly at the table?) and I'm glad that those fears are rarely justified. Or that I was drinking too much to notice. Either way is fine with me.

So, in honor of my early birthday, I make resolutions:

Stop being so lazy I don't wash my face before bed.
Write 200 words a day. 200 words that aren't blogging or work. Okay, sometimes blogging can count.
Do not clean the kitchen today. It is Jake's turn.
Become a generally more perfect human being. If that's possible.

I have been running out of creative-type projects recently, which has left me with excess energy for things like worrying, obsessing, and buying things I don't need. Lately I've been cringing over every thing I do and say. Even now. Even now. Or obsessing over work and how to make everything more efficient. Not healthy. I seem to have lost some interest in knitting, it may be time for a small break from that to... do what?

The three of you that read this: What do you think? Any good creative projects for me?

more signage

2006-04-01T00:15:00.000-08:00

From the past two weeks...

STEREOTYPING IS A LAZY WAY TO THINK ABOUT PEOPLE.

Why, yes. You're right, veterinary hospital. Why are we having this conversation? And the next week...

2 CATS CLEANING EACH OTHER, AFFECTION OR A TRIAL RUN FOR THE JUGULAR?

I have no way to respond to this. Maybe both?

veternary hospital sign and update

2006-03-13T00:14:00.000-08:00

A DOG TEACHES A YOUNG BOY LOYALTY AND TO TURN AROUND 3 TIMES BEFORE HE GOES TO SLEEP

I really need a digital camera to start putting pictures up.

I've had a massively busy week, I've been taking on a big organizational project at work and I haven't been home at any reasonable hour this week. Lots of kids and events to think about over the weekend. This next week looks even more hectic. Whew.

veternary hospital

2006-03-03T00:13:00.000-08:00

Yet another sign on Cornell Road on the way to DHS:

DO OTHER DOGS THINK POODLES BELONG TO A WEIRD CULT?

If this continues, these signs may become a regular feature of my blog.

two life-summarizing poems, not by me

2006-03-02T00:11:00.000-08:00

Delinquent Missive

Before David Ricardo stabbed his daddy
sixteen times with a fork -- Once
for every year of my fuckwad life -- he'd long
showed signs of being bent.
In school, he got no valentine nor birthday
cake embellished with his name.
On Halloween, a towel tied around his neck
was all he had to be a hero with.
He spat in the punchbowl and smelled like a foot.
His forehead was a ledge
he leered beneath. When I was sent to tutor him
in geometry, so he might leave
(at last) ninth grade, he sat running pencil lead
beneath his nails.
If radiance shone from those mudhole eyes,
I missed it. Thanks, David
for your fine slang. You called my postulates
post holes; your mom endured
ferocious of the liver. Plus you ignored--
when I saw you wave at lunch --
my flinch. Maybe by now you're ectoplasm,
or the zillionth winner of the Texas
death penalty sweepstakes. Or you occupy
a locked room with a small
round window held fast by rivets, through which
you are watched. But I hope
some organism drew your care -- orchid
or cockroach even, some inmate
in a wheelchair whose steak you had to cut
since he lacked hands.
In this way, the unbudgeable stone
that plugged the tomb hole
in your chest could roll back, and in your sad
slit eyes could blaze
that star adored by its maker.

----- Mary Karr

You Want a Social Life, With Friends

You want a social life, with friends.
A passionate love life as well.
To work hard every day. What's true
Is of these three you may have two
And two can pay you dividends
But never may have three.

There isn't time enough, my friends--
Though dawn begins, yet midnight ends--
To find the time to have love, work, and friends.
Michelangelo had feeling
For Vittoria and the Ceiling
But did he go to parties at day's end?

Homer nightly went to banquets
Wrote all day but had no lockets
Bright with pictures of his Girl.
I know one who loves and parties
And has done so since his thirties
But hardly writes anything at all.

----- Kenneth Koch

foster rant

2006-02-24T00:11:00.000-08:00

One day I will go visit a foster home that isn't weird or creepy in any way. That will be the day when I don't have any second thoughts about the placement. I won't think about whether or not the parents force the kids to go to church. I won't feel grossed out at their room-sized teevee/babysitter, the "more than just little kids" smell of their home, or the strangeness of the kid's life situation. I won't feel like I've just seen the home of a cat lady, but with kids instead of cats. I won't feel weird that the house is too clean. I won't feel weird that the house is too dirty. I won't have to cover for myself accidentally batting an eye at their huge Jesus memorabilia of all sorts-- or any other weird collection those people might own. I won't get any weird (no matter how harmless) vibes. I won't second guess the parent's truthfulness, I won't have to weigh one bad situation against another bad situation, I won't feel afraid for the kids when I don't poke the weird vibe (again, no matter how harmless-- and I'm pretty forgiving) to it's fullest extent. That day will be one of the best days of my life.

Or at least it will be a day where I will sigh a sigh of pure relief instead of a sigh of worry that I trick myself into believing is relief.

I know I shouldn't be so judgmental, and I know that a certain level of weird is the nature of the work-- you have to be at least a little bit nuts to take care of a stranger's child as your own, perhaps for a day, perhaps forever-- but is that really what it takes to do something that good? To be kind of crazy? To be a collector... of things? To be driven to extreme devotion? Now I'm referring to the good foster homes, forget about the ones that are like 24-hour daycares, where children with special needs are left to fend more or less for themselves, or are ignored, or are strangely compartmentalized from the rest of the family. I don't know. Where are the people like me? I have the feeling that they're not there. I don't know how I feel about that. Weird.

washington county is weird

2006-02-18T00:09:00.000-08:00

As I was driving to the Department of Human Services yesterday, I saw this on the veternary hospital's paste-up board:

IF YOU CAN'T BE A GOOD EXAMPLE, BE A HORRIBLE WARNING

Again, not sure if I should laugh or if another small piece of my soul just died.

50 hours a week

2006-02-05T00:08:00.000-08:00

I am sick of talking about my work. However, when I find myself determined not to talk about it, I have nothing else to talk about. I can't tell whether it's because I'm kind of boring or if it's because I have no life because work take up so much time and brainspace.

So what do I do? I realize I haven't put a description of my job up on my blog and only the people I see in person ever hear about it. This entry will probably be the first and last I'll say on the internet about some of the details of my work and what I do since most of it is a) confidential and b) depressing. Besides, I intend someday to have something else to do and talk about. Someday.

I am a legal assistant at the local Public Defender and the part of law I guess I "specialize" in is juvenile law. I spend a lot of time organizing paperwork of some sort, trying to wrangle information out of or hammering certain messages into various bureaucrats and service workers over the phone, making sure shit's in it's proper place, doing various gopher assignments from the two lawyers I work with specifically, sitting through arduous and dramatic family-law type meetings, visiting foster homes to make sure kid clients are getting treated properly, sometimes to rarely visiting parent clients (yes, we represent grownups and child molesters too...) in jail to check up on them. I produce a lot of text that summarizes my impressions of people and their interactions, and I think I need to harp on myself from letting it deteriorate from long descriptions to "Person A=Horrible. Person B=Awesome." Yeah. I do a lot. It is damn interesting and fun for an office job. I'm pretty lucky in that respect. I also spend at least ten hours a week commuting from the city to the suburbs, and a lot of time in my car traveling around the suburbs trying to visit various kid clients or go to whatever Department of Human Services building I need to go to for whatever gut-wrenching meeting I need to go to that day. That is a lot of time to be spending with one's car in awful Portland-style traffic. I am pretty unlucky there. Yup. I guess the important thing to know is that my job is busy and stressful and sometimes a little draining. It is also deeply engaging and gives me the chance to feel like I'm contributing something positive to the world. I like to be busy. I like my job quite a bit, but I think I need to go visit the dentist soon because I am beginning to grind my teeth. You tell me what that means.

I feel like after three months I'm finally beginning to adjust sort of enough to start having free time again and to start having a life outside of the work-vegetate-work-vegetate cycle. I need more subjects of conversation, in any case.

So now you know. Whew.

i win at the cooking derby

2006-02-02T00:07:00.000-08:00

Every few months or so, when the stars align just right, I go into an insane cooking spree in which I make way too much food to eat and make a huge mess out of my kitchen. Sometimes during those cooking sprees I make something really good, though no fault of my own. The most recent cooking streak (last weekendwas an insane marathon of Korean food and soups) has culminated in this fantastic dish, which I become more proud of the more I think of it:

Cold Killer Carrot Soup

Approx. 1 lb of carrots, chopped into small-ish pieces
1/2 of an onion, diced
2-4 tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 cans of chicken or vegetable broth (3 or 4 cups? I'm guessing?)
3 cloves of garlic (or to taste)
2 teaspoons of fresh ginger (sliced, mashed, whatever-- it'll all get blended together)
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 teaspoon (or more, to taste) of hot red pepper flakes
2 tablespoons of fresh chopped tarragon
juice of 1 orange (some pulp too, if you want)
2 tablespoons of bourbon (I used Maker's Mark)

Saute the onions and carrots over high heat in the oil until the onions are clear. When onions are cooked, add broth to the pot until it just covers the carrots. Add garlic, curry, ginger and red pepper flakes. Cover the pot and stir over high heat until soup is at a boil. Uncover and let simmer over medium-low heat until the carrots are cooked, stirring occaisionally. When carrots are soft, transfer soup to blender and blend until smooth. Return soup to pot over low heat. Stir in tarragon, orange juice and bourbon and let cook for 1-2 minutes to let flavors blend.

Eat topped with plain yogurt or sour cream.

Consider that it is kind of like a hot toddy, but soup. Yum.

i hate you, washington county

2006-01-21T00:06:00.000-08:00

Fuck you, Washington County. You take a ridiculous amount of time to drive to, everything in you is decorated with Jesus stickers, you smoke way too much meth, you beat your kids, and you ding my fucking car with your gigantic SUVs and toss it out of alignment!!!

Not cool, Washington County. Not. Cool.

Also, though this site isn't really interesting enough to merit a sidebar link, I can't stop watching these kids.

some sort of new content. whatever.

2006-01-17T00:05:00.000-08:00

I'm finding that the longer it takes for me to put a new post up in this damn thing, the harder it gets to write. Each new draft becomes more and more unreadable. Every new idea is dumb and un-showable to others, which in itself is a pretty idiotic concept since I'm pretty sure that very few read this blog anymore. I give up on interesting readablity right.... now.

Some events from the last two months:

Adjustment to The New Job is pretty much traumatic. By the time holidays roll around, I feel more on an even keel.
Thanksgiving (yum).
I become addicted to watching scifi-TV-shows-that-shall-remain-nameless-for-now, episode after episode, on my roommate's computer, scaring him completely.
My mother goes to Korea, returns, sends hilarious packages.
I spend Christmas in a gigantic, satisfying, sulk. I am stuck in Portland for the holidays.
My parents tell me my younger sister has shaved her head as a proclamation of her "Freshman at a Liberal Arts College" status. "It's so cute!" my mom says, "Her head looks just like a little chestnut!" I am very sorry I do not witness this.
I realize I should never live alone because every sound after midnight is completely terrifying.
New Year's is fun but not scary-fun, which is excellent even if it is a boring non-story.
Various knitting projects are started, progressed upon, completed. Pictures in the near future.
I discover hate commuting. I hate commuting with the very fiber of my soul.
I go to Iowa over the MLK weekend. Did you know Des Moines was once a mafia hideout-stop-kind of place? Neither did I.
I score some cool stuff from my parents. Like pickles and designer dresses.

I guess that brings us up to date, mostly. Next time: a real entry.

a busy day off

2005-11-11T00:04:00.000-08:00

Got my first grown-up paycheck yesterday. Day off today. Veteran's Day. Had coffee in a nice place, read the NYTimes and made myself rather upset over various news pieces. Made an appointment at a salon. Went to Nordstroms, bought socks, looked for nice underwear (nothing to be found that was both in my tastes and in my price range). Bought a bra on sale in the mall. Had brows done. Nearly killed small child chanting "I need to pee I need to pee" while his mother ignored him. Should have shaken mother instead (Can't you hear? Your son needs to pee!) Went to vintage shop to look for a coat or shoes. Unsucessful. Everything is too big. Rained upon in transit. Went to Reed to pick up Ira Glass tickets. Avoided eye contact and ate a yucky brownie. Stopped by Stumptown and bought a pound of coffee. Note to self: New Seasons sells Stumptown cheaper than Stumptown. Went to Buffalo Exchange to look for coat or shoes. No shoes (never in my size). Found a wool blazer (brown/white herringbone) that fits perfectly but does not match well with my mostly black winter wardrobe. Bought it anyway. Head hurts. Now I need to pee. Go frantically from store to store looking for bathroom. Finally find relief. Look at jewelry for hippies. Wish for earring rack. Head still hurts. Go home. Make sandwich. Resolve to clean house.... tomorrow. Enjoy quiet evening. Sit in front of the computer, and here I am.

obligitory informative post so i can move on to writing about other things

2005-10-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

YES

I have a new job.
I could tell you what I think I will be doing, but I actually have very little clue as to what I will actually be doing.
I will post about it, once it has started and everything is 100% clear that I really do have said job. I do not wish to jinx myself over the internet again.
It is better than my job at the fabric store.
I am very glad to be leaving the fabric store. However, I am not glad to have days that start before 10am.

I have not started yet. I start next Monday.
I would post a link to the job description, but it also has my pay scale and I don't want everyone knowing and asking me about that.
It is not a secret job. If you ask me, I will tell you. I just don't want to jinx myself over the internet.
I am not excited. I am terrified of actually having a real job and actually being a grownup with a business card and a desk.

Is everything clear now? Good. Now can you stop asking me about this in person? Talking about The New Job makes me feel weird and embarrassed (though I am a little bit excited) so I'd like to stop talking about it until I am actually working in The New Job. I'm glad to have it. I'm glad you're glad that I have it. Hooray. I feel very uncool talking about my dorky online journals at parties. Stop making me look like a dork. I will sink through the floor in embarrassment. I will secretly hate you if you insist on this behavior. I will begin to tell the story about that time you were drunk and lit yourself on fire/wet the bed/fell asleep in class/made out with someone horrible/had pinkeye that was hilarious-looking. Don't try to stop me!

Unless we're talking about the Earless Wonder Future Cat, of course. How does Pneu protect her little ear-holes from filling up with Portland rain?

earless wonder

2005-10-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

This is Pneu. She is from the future, where cats have no ears and glow. Many thanks to Ariana, for sending me a picture of her lovely cat.

the things that stand out

2005-10-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

So many exciting things happened to me yesterday that were pretty important, or at least interesting, I'm having a hard time processing it all. Only one thing sticks out in my brain for me to share at this very moment:

I saw a cat with no ears.

Just little kitty earholes. The cat is owned by a friend of mine from work, and it is very lovely and friendly and well-cared for, etc., etc. It also has no ears. Pneu (the kitty) is very aerodynamic, almost futuristic looking. I have never wished so much to have a picture of an animal. No ears!

(I also got a new job. More about that later. )

the literate breakroom

2005-10-04T23:59:00.000-07:00

I used to think that there were three kinds of literature that live in the Mill End breakroom. Those with the word "country" in the title (ahem, Country Home, Country Living, and Country Cottage come immediately to mind), The National Enquirer, and miscelanious others that pre-date 1995. I used to think that the Mill End breakroom was where bad magazines went to die, but not without being read from cover to cover by sorry souls like me-- who, given the opportunity, really would like to learn how to make a dust ruffle from your cat's hairballs and definitely would want to see how the stars look without their makeup rather than converse with whichever Crazy Old Woman is also occupying their space.

I was wrong.

Today I discovered the breakroom's enormous stash of Harlequin Romances. I have never seen so much girl porn in my life. They all sit, dilapidated and clearly read many times, on the back table where the older women put their coats and thermoses. I laughed out loud when I finally noticed them. So that's what everyone's been reading instead of this god-awful ten year old National Geographic. The Bride and the Cowboy.

I'm not sure if I'm deeply pleased by this or if I've just lost my will to live.

moving along

2005-09-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

It seems that I am over the hump of mono enough to send a brief bulletin to the world.

I am mostly fine, still tired, but I am once again able to form long enough thoughts to want to write them down, to wonder about friends and miss them. I am currently in the process of moving to one part of Portland to another, still adjusting to my new job and trying to find better ones (though I refused a job offer, stupid me), and making a serious effort to Make New Friends, which is pretty hard and brings out the most awkward in me. Sometimes it's charming when I'm awkward. Other times.... it's just awkward.

So yes. Moving this Saturday. Working (almost) full time. Setting up house. Finding other work. Trying to make myself well.

I suppose when I move I won't have the internet for a short amount of time. I will find the nearest library (though I fear Multnomah County libraries since I checked out a picture file when I was a freshman and never ever returned it... the library won't be free for me, I guess) and catch up. How do real people juggle everything? Jeebus.

ai yi yi

2005-08-19T23:57:00.000-07:00

So... This post was going to be about many things.

The visit of Max and Dottie. The moving in and moving out of many dear friends. The first few days of my job. My constant, incessant phone-shyness. My search for a new home. The freaky little bugs inside my home. Other witty and interesting things.

But no.

This entry will be about mono. That is, mononucleosis. That is, that disease you get that makes you tired and unable to eat solid food and there is nothing you can do about it but live with it for many many weeks. That is, the thing that I have.

I discovered this today. The nice nurse at the ER told me. She also gave me a popsickle and a warm blanket. Too bad I have no insurance and it's going to cost me my firstborn. Good thing is... I can still work and feel miserable!

Ugh. Mono is doing tragic things to my brain and I can't remember or care about stuff and I feel weepy at the slightest drop of a hat. Please be nice to me. I will write more often when I am feeling not god-fucking-awful.

hired!

2005-08-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

The fabric store hired me pretty much right away in my interview today and I start tomorrow. The fact that they were so eager to hire me makes me a little nervous. I smell the stink of desperation, and it is not a yummy smell. I think my interview with the law firm this morning went pretty okay, but I was nervous and stuttery and I realize that it will be a few days until they get in contact with me. Or tomorrow, really. They said they would be doing the second round of interviews Friday and Monday so I said to the fabric store people that I can't work then due to other engagements and hopefully I haven't tipped my hand... Doubtful. I also fear working with older crafty women and actually getting up and being somewhere in the morning.

The big news in the last paragraph is now because I have something it means I can pay for stuff and buy things and stop quietly freaking out about going broke and going back to Iowa . I can now look for a place to live in town before my sublet runs out at the end of the month (Hey, do you know anyone who wants to live with me?). I can stay in Portland (good). I don't have to go back to Iowa with my tail between my legs (better).

Whew.

when it rains, it pours

2005-08-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

Whoa! My phone has been ringing off the hook in the past hour since my last post. I have interviews. Plural. Tomorrow. Law firm and fabric store. Holy crap.

phone shy 3: the land of non-answers

2005-08-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

Called both the law firm and the science museum this morning. The man at the law firm (Doug, if I recall) has given me kind of a curt answer, the head of Human Resources is looking at the applications right now he doesn't know which applications are in but if she has mine I'll know they'll call me before the end of the week. Click. Gee, thanks Doug. I guess he's not a morning person. The science museum... the science museum actually didn't answer my phone call. Though it is open right now, and someone should be answering the damn phone, they clearly need more people working there. I'll call them later this afternoon. Frustration. There is something about getting non-answers from people that just garners resentment from me. Yes or no! Pick up the damn phone! Look up my name! It. Is. Not. That. Hard. I feel yanked around, toyed with. I still have to beg them for jobs/money/benefits. Sigh. Pride is a deadly sin, I guess.

At least there is still the fabric store. Of course, they haven't spoken to me on the phone yet.

hoofing it at the craft warehouse

2005-08-08T23:52:00.000-07:00

On the tip of a friend, I applied today at the Mill End Store, and discovered yet another store where I could work and also spend all of my money. I'm glad I didn't bring my wallet. Dear lord, it had to be the biggest fabric store I have ever set foot in (which speaks to my fabric store experience? maybe?), and I had to walk around and browse for two hours to just take it all in. Yarns and notions and fabrics, oh my! I was overly excited by interesting quilts and am now hatching a plan to make myself a purple velveteen coat. Yes. Like out of Willy Wonka. I swear, I'm a crafty old lady trapped in a twenty-two year old's body.

The store itself, though huge, is pretty warehouse-y with weird lighting. I think working there would require a lot of standing and waiting-- not sure if I'm very excited about that. The tip of the friend says that it is actually not very fun to work there (she works there herself), so not fun that many people just quit-- that's why they're hiring. Hm. Well, I have no pride and even less money, so warehouses be damned. I hope I get an interview with them.

eggplants like wow

2005-08-04T23:50:00.000-07:00

It's hot today. I feel compelled to do little but sit in my room with a hot computer in my lap thinking about yesterday's food victories instead of actually cooking or eating anything that's not mostly ice. This is good because 1) my kitchen is dirty and full of ants and I don't want to clean up my housemate's messes again and 2) I've been going through quite the cooking spurt lately, which has been a little embarassingly obsessive, and it's good that I take a break and write down what I've been doing.

So the other day I went to the Lebanese grocery store with my very fun friends Margaret and Jake on a trip to look at interesting birthday presents for Margaret's boyfriend. While they went off ogling the many olives and candy and hookahs the store had to offer, I was drawn in by the tiny egg-sized eggplants in the produce aisle. They were very cute, light purple and not as intimidating-looking as their bigger cousins. I had to know how to eat them, even if I'm not actually a fan of eggplants (I've had to suffer through the Korean version of eggplant which is so indescribably yucky and full of soy sauce that it's bound to scar anyone for life), they were too cute to pass up. And cheap. So I asked the nice Lebanese woman (I guess?) at the counter how to prepare them, and this is what she told me, or at least, this is my interpretation of what she told me:

Eggplants Like Wow

You'll need: tiny eggplants (about 4 to a serving), some ground meat, about half an onion to every pound of ground meat, cumin, ginger, cinnamon, tomatoes

take the tiny eggplants and peel them, coat them with olive oil and bake them in the oven (I guessed at about 350) until they're golden brown
meanwhile, fry up some ground meat of some sort (I used ground turkey) with some onion and spices (cumin, ginger and cinnamon)
when the eggplants are done, cut a slit down the middle of the tiny guys. scoop out the insides of the eggplant with a spoon and mix it in with the meat.
stuff the tiny eggplants with your meat mixture, top with diced tomatoes
stick this back into the oven until the tomatoes are sort of melted.
eat with rice. YUM.

I think this dish could be improved with some kind of sauce and green stuff, it's not particularly colorful or yummily liquidy. Maybe some kind of tahini-based sauce drizzled over the top? With some cilantro? I must try it again next time... Also, be warned, this dish is pretty labor-intense. You don't think peeling tiny eggplants would take a long time, but... whoa.

Apparently they are also served at the restaurant right next to the store. I'm pretty sure that what I made is nothing like what one would actually get, but I'm sure whatever that dish would actually be would be pretty damn good. Anyone interested on splitting an order?

phone shy part 2

2005-08-04T23:49:00.000-07:00

I called both the law firm and the science museum this afternoon. This is not without the required bout of procrastinating, in which I slept in (I seem to be sleeping a ridiculous amount lately), mourned the loss of my home's TV (it left with a housemate), cleaned my room and patched up a pair of ripped jeans. Sometimes procrastination can be shockingly productive.

So, room sparkling and jeans without holes, I called the law firm and had to leave a message. Which means I'll have to have another phone conversation, early in the day, and this is still scary. I am also worried that I talked way way way too fast for the potential message-reciever to understand: "Hi-this-is-my-name-here-and-I-was-calling-to-see-if-you-recieved-my-application-here-is-my-phone-number-it-is-this-time.Thanks." Probably not the smoothest message I've ever left. I also called the science museum and there was some sort of peri-adolescent yahoo who told me with a cracking voice to call back in a few days. Maybe I should just head over to the museum myself (which would also be exciting, since I'd get to take a trip to the science museum!). This might be my project for tomorrow.

So. Phone call one done. Now for round of nerves two.

phone shy

2005-08-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

have to say, I think the worst part of finding and applying for work is the "Hello, did you get my application?" phone call. I never know what to say, how to say it, or really figure out why I'm calling.

The phone is terrifying. Strangers who I can't see are scary. I will put off the phone call to the law firm until tomorrow morning. Then I will call the science museum. I will not wuss out any more.

Yipe.

a new tiny soul box

2005-08-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

So. It's been awhile and I still don't have work (American Eagle has seemed to decided to blow me off, and I seem to have scraped my dignity off the floor and have stopped calling them begging for work), and I am still moping about it, and I am still freaking out. Not a lot has changed for me, as is wont for someone who has no job and has slid deep into the laziness of a warm summer, but lately I have been feeling a stirring.

Doing nothing all day has lost its glamour. I am sick of days of nothing. I no longer wish to watch Jerry Springer and imagine myself on a talk show. I dread discussing "what I do" to new people only to stutter and try to change the subject. I hate being broke. I hate asking my friends to keep an eye out for jobs for me. Asking one's parents for money is the worst thing in the world. I've decided to try tactic in getting work: Not wanting to work. Keeping busy. Having fun. Willfully. Once I don't want a job I will have a job. Right? Yeah? Yeah, right? I'm on vacation here. I'm not between anything.

Maybe. Well, it's been fun trying this tack regardless of the results. My past few days have been busy with beach trips, dog walking knitting, reading, cooking, and an oddly enjoyable bout of house-cleaning. I've come much closer to well-paying work than I have in quite awhile. As long as I keep shoving worry and doubt into a tiny box deep in my soul (right next to the one where I keep crying), things should be okay, yeah?

Eh, I'm not going to think about it and plot my next cooking project.

let it be recorded...

2005-07-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

First complete money freakout:

July 8th, 2:37 pm.

Finding out that my job probably starts next week:

July 8th, 3:30 pm.

Whew. It's still not a good job, but you know, work is work.

2005-06-29T23:43:00.000-07:00

to the two or three of you that read this:

my internet's out. no more bloggers for awhile. also: job front not looking good. must pull self out of doldrums...

unemployment(?) malaise

2005-06-24T23:40:00.000-07:00

And so.

I went to the interview at American Eagle and it seems to have gone really well. The interview was smooth (I knew all of the right answers, having been through the retail mill before) and I looked reasonably smart and capable compared the doofus recent high school graduate who was, ahem, "really into fashion". In fact, i'm pretty sure I got the job. But only pretty sure (since they've called to tell me to schedule an orientation for after they've checked my references), and I won't feel satisfied and confident until i'm 100% sure. Yay for me, I think. Actually, I don't think 'Yay for me' at all. I don't like the store (I'm holding out for The Gap), I don't like the idea of working in general, and-- how else can I say this? I just graduated from a fancy college and the best I can do is the fucking mall? Hell, this is what I did in high school. I don't like coming full circle back to the mall. Ugh.

Of course, I have many craigslist postings I've emailed myself for cover letter writing and sending and I've done none of it. I am paralyzed with fear and low self-esteem. I need to kick myself in the ass or the brain or something...

I fear that I'm not working up to my potential. I am also deeply disturbed by the fact that I have no idea what that potential is, or where I want to go with it. Like a ship without a rudder. A very expensive and awkward ship, nonetheless.

interviews are fun

2005-06-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

Today: Interview at temp agency. Was reminded of the TV show The Office (the British version, btw), which I've been watching much too much with my new housemates. I felt my soul deaden and was filled with dread. I have to go back tomorrow so they can tell me "whether or not they will be a good resource for me" meaning "whether or not I am remotely hireable". I don't know why, but my soul is filled with dread.

Spent afternoon eating breakfast, avoiding doing more job searching, and fixing the non-mail delivering problem at my house.

Next week: Group interview at American Eagle! Retail work! Yipee!

I must remember to turn in my application at The Gap.