a partial history of my stupidity

Traffic was heavy coming off the bridge
and I took the road to the right, the wrong one,
and got stuck in the car for hours.

Most nights I rushed out into the evening
without paying attention to the trees,
whose names I didn't know,
or the birds, which flew heedlessly on.

I couldn't relinquish my desires
or accept them, and so I strolled along
like a tiger that wanted to spring,
but was still afraid of the wildness within.

The iron bars seemed invisible to others,
but I carried a cage around inside me.

I cared too much what other people thought
and made remarks I shouldn't have made.
I was slient when I should have spoken.

Forgive me, philosophers,
I read the Stoics but never understood them.

I felt that I was living the wrong life,
spiritually speaking,
while halfway around the world
thousands of people were being slaughtered,
some of them by my countrymen.

So I walked on--distracted, lost in thought--
and forgot to attend to those who suffered
far away, nearby.

Forgive me, faith, for never having any.

I did not believe in God,
who eluded me.

-- Edward Hirsch

birthday humiliation!

The invitation to my birthday party, held awhile before my actual date of birth:

Celebrate the anniversary of my birth with dinner, drinks, and a little public
humiliation! Bring an old angsty diary, old poetry, funny old letters,
etc. to share with the crowd. It's like karaoke but with more embarassment
and less singing.

So on my real birthday, I give you a horrible taste from one of my real diaries... as promised to nonlineagirl...

7.18.03
Another day and I am stuck with the hard decision of whether to do
what I
want to do, or to shower and maintain my excellent hygiene. It feels
like there
is just so much to do in such a short amount of time (clean,
write, prepare,
etc) that I decide I don't want to do anything but sit still
for a few minutes.
Is that so wrong? Yes, apparently. We have another child
with Asperger's
Syndrome. His name is D, and he is polite and considerate
beyond words. I am
wondering if the other shoe will drop soon. In other
news, today is R's
birthday. This leaves me vaugely annoyed and I don't know
why. I suspect it is
because I'm jealous of all the attention. The plus side
is 1) it is also Zach
the Wonderful's (a student) birthday; 2) there will be
cake. So, this is good.
I'm trying my hardest to maintain my resolutions to
be helpful and optimistic
and to drink at least a litre of water every day.
It's proving to be a bit more
difficult than I expected.

... From my time at nerd camp.

actual conversations in my home

Me: My tummy hurts.

Jake: Oh. Pizza?

Me: No, my uterus is trying to escape from my body.

Jake: Yikes. Mega.

resolutions and resolve

Thank you to those who showed up for my pre-birthday party. That was fun. I always pull myself into knots of anxiety over any size of gathering of my friends (Which one of you flakes will show up? Will you end up killing each other or staring awkwardly at the table?) and I'm glad that those fears are rarely justified. Or that I was drinking too much to notice. Either way is fine with me.

So, in honor of my early birthday, I make resolutions:

• Stop being so lazy I don't wash my face before bed.
• Write 200 words a day. 200 words that aren't blogging or work. Okay, sometimes blogging can count.
• Do not clean the kitchen today. It is Jake's turn.
• Become a generally more perfect human being. If that's possible.

I have been running out of creative-type projects recently, which has left me with excess energy for things like worrying, obsessing, and buying things I don't need. Lately I've been cringing over every thing I do and say. Even now. Even now. Or obsessing over work and how to make everything more efficient. Not healthy. I seem to have lost some interest in knitting, it may be time for a small break from that to... do what?

The three of you that read this: What do you think? Any good creative projects for me?

more signage

From the past two weeks...

STEREOTYPING IS A LAZY WAY TO THINK ABOUT PEOPLE.

Why, yes. You're right, veterinary hospital. Why are we having this conversation? And the next week...

2 CATS CLEANING EACH OTHER, AFFECTION OR A TRIAL RUN FOR THE JUGULAR?

I have no way to respond to this. Maybe both?

veternary hospital sign and update

A DOG TEACHES A YOUNG BOY LOYALTY AND TO TURN AROUND 3 TIMES BEFORE HE GOES TO SLEEP

I really need a digital camera to start putting pictures up.

I've had a massively busy week, I've been taking on a big organizational project at work and I haven't been home at any reasonable hour this week. Lots of kids and events to think about over the weekend. This next week looks even more hectic. Whew.

veternary hospital

Yet another sign on Cornell Road on the way to DHS:

DO OTHER DOGS THINK POODLES BELONG TO A WEIRD CULT?

If this continues, these signs may become a regular feature of my blog.