foster rant

One day I will go visit a foster home that isn't weird or creepy in any way. That will be the day when I don't have any second thoughts about the placement. I won't think about whether or not the parents force the kids to go to church. I won't feel grossed out at their room-sized teevee/babysitter, the "more than just little kids" smell of their home, or the strangeness of the kid's life situation. I won't feel like I've just seen the home of a cat lady, but with kids instead of cats. I won't feel weird that the house is too clean. I won't feel weird that the house is too dirty. I won't have to cover for myself accidentally batting an eye at their huge Jesus memorabilia of all sorts-- or any other weird collection those people might own. I won't get any weird (no matter how harmless) vibes. I won't second guess the parent's truthfulness, I won't have to weigh one bad situation against another bad situation, I won't feel afraid for the kids when I don't poke the weird vibe (again, no matter how harmless-- and I'm pretty forgiving) to it's fullest extent. That day will be one of the best days of my life.

Or at least it will be a day where I will sigh a sigh of pure relief instead of a sigh of worry that I trick myself into believing is relief.

I know I shouldn't be so judgmental, and I know that a certain level of weird is the nature of the work-- you have to be at least a little bit nuts to take care of a stranger's child as your own, perhaps for a day, perhaps forever-- but is that really what it takes to do something that good? To be kind of crazy? To be a collector... of things? To be driven to extreme devotion? Now I'm referring to the good foster homes, forget about the ones that are like 24-hour daycares, where children with special needs are left to fend more or less for themselves, or are ignored, or are strangely compartmentalized from the rest of the family. I don't know. Where are the people like me? I have the feeling that they're not there. I don't know how I feel about that. Weird.