unemployment(?) malaise

And so.

I went to the interview at American Eagle and it seems to have gone really well. The interview was smooth (I knew all of the right answers, having been through the retail mill before) and I looked reasonably smart and capable compared the doofus recent high school graduate who was, ahem, "really into fashion". In fact, i'm pretty sure I got the job. But only pretty sure (since they've called to tell me to schedule an orientation for after they've checked my references), and I won't feel satisfied and confident until i'm 100% sure. Yay for me, I think. Actually, I don't think 'Yay for me' at all. I don't like the store (I'm holding out for The Gap), I don't like the idea of working in general, and-- how else can I say this? I just graduated from a fancy college and the best I can do is the fucking mall? Hell, this is what I did in high school. I don't like coming full circle back to the mall. Ugh.

Of course, I have many craigslist postings I've emailed myself for cover letter writing and sending and I've done none of it. I am paralyzed with fear and low self-esteem. I need to kick myself in the ass or the brain or something...

I fear that I'm not working up to my potential. I am also deeply disturbed by the fact that I have no idea what that potential is, or where I want to go with it. Like a ship without a rudder. A very expensive and awkward ship, nonetheless.