a new tiny soul box

So. It's been awhile and I still don't have work (American Eagle has seemed to decided to blow me off, and I seem to have scraped my dignity off the floor and have stopped calling them begging for work), and I am still moping about it, and I am still freaking out. Not a lot has changed for me, as is wont for someone who has no job and has slid deep into the laziness of a warm summer, but lately I have been feeling a stirring.

Doing nothing all day has lost its glamour. I am sick of days of nothing. I no longer wish to watch Jerry Springer and imagine myself on a talk show. I dread discussing "what I do" to new people only to stutter and try to change the subject. I hate being broke. I hate asking my friends to keep an eye out for jobs for me. Asking one's parents for money is the worst thing in the world. I've decided to try tactic in getting work: Not wanting to work. Keeping busy. Having fun. Willfully. Once I don't want a job I will have a job. Right? Yeah? Yeah, right? I'm on vacation here. I'm not between anything.

Maybe. Well, it's been fun trying this tack regardless of the results. My past few days have been busy with beach trips, dog walking knitting, reading, cooking, and an oddly enjoyable bout of house-cleaning. I've come much closer to well-paying work than I have in quite awhile. As long as I keep shoving worry and doubt into a tiny box deep in my soul (right next to the one where I keep crying), things should be okay, yeah?

Eh, I'm not going to think about it and plot my next cooking project.