a busy day off

Got my first grown-up paycheck yesterday. Day off today. Veteran's Day. Had coffee in a nice place, read the NYTimes and made myself rather upset over various news pieces. Made an appointment at a salon. Went to Nordstroms, bought socks, looked for nice underwear (nothing to be found that was both in my tastes and in my price range). Bought a bra on sale in the mall. Had brows done. Nearly killed small child chanting "I need to pee I need to pee" while his mother ignored him. Should have shaken mother instead (Can't you hear? Your son needs to pee!) Went to vintage shop to look for a coat or shoes. Unsucessful. Everything is too big. Rained upon in transit. Went to Reed to pick up Ira Glass tickets. Avoided eye contact and ate a yucky brownie. Stopped by Stumptown and bought a pound of coffee. Note to self: New Seasons sells Stumptown cheaper than Stumptown. Went to Buffalo Exchange to look for coat or shoes. No shoes (never in my size). Found a wool blazer (brown/white herringbone) that fits perfectly but does not match well with my mostly black winter wardrobe. Bought it anyway. Head hurts. Now I need to pee. Go frantically from store to store looking for bathroom. Finally find relief. Look at jewelry for hippies. Wish for earring rack. Head still hurts. Go home. Make sandwich. Resolve to clean house.... tomorrow. Enjoy quiet evening. Sit in front of the computer, and here I am.

obligitory informative post so i can move on to writing about other things

YES

• I have a new job.
• I could tell you what I think I will be doing, but I actually have very little clue as to what I will actually be doing.
• I will post about it, once it has started and everything is 100% clear that I really do have said job. I do not wish to jinx myself over the internet again.
• It is better than my job at the fabric store.
• I am very glad to be leaving the fabric store. However, I am not glad to have days that start before 10am.

NO

• I have not started yet. I start next Monday.
• I would post a link to the job description, but it also has my pay scale and I don't want everyone knowing and asking me about that.
• It is not a secret job. If you ask me, I will tell you. I just don't want to jinx myself over the internet.
• I am not excited. I am terrified of actually having a real job and actually being a grownup with a business card and a desk.

Is everything clear now? Good. Now can you stop asking me about this in person? Talking about The New Job makes me feel weird and embarrassed (though I am a little bit excited) so I'd like to stop talking about it until I am actually working in The New Job. I'm glad to have it. I'm glad you're glad that I have it. Hooray. I feel very uncool talking about my dorky online journals at parties. Stop making me look like a dork. I will sink through the floor in embarrassment. I will secretly hate you if you insist on this behavior. I will begin to tell the story about that time you were drunk and lit yourself on fire/wet the bed/fell asleep in class/made out with someone horrible/had pinkeye that was hilarious-looking. Don't try to stop me!

Unless we're talking about the Earless Wonder Future Cat, of course. How does Pneu protect her little ear-holes from filling up with Portland rain?

earless wonder

This is Pneu. She is from the future, where cats have no ears and glow. Many thanks to Ariana, for sending me a picture of her lovely cat.

the things that stand out

So many exciting things happened to me yesterday that were pretty important, or at least interesting, I'm having a hard time processing it all. Only one thing sticks out in my brain for me to share at this very moment:

I saw a cat with no ears.

Just little kitty earholes. The cat is owned by a friend of mine from work, and it is very lovely and friendly and well-cared for, etc., etc. It also has no ears. Pneu (the kitty) is very aerodynamic, almost futuristic looking. I have never wished so much to have a picture of an animal. No ears!


(I also got a new job. More about that later. )

the literate breakroom

I used to think that there were three kinds of literature that live in the Mill End breakroom. Those with the word "country" in the title (ahem, Country Home, Country Living, and Country Cottage come immediately to mind), The National Enquirer, and miscelanious others that pre-date 1995. I used to think that the Mill End breakroom was where bad magazines went to die, but not without being read from cover to cover by sorry souls like me-- who, given the opportunity, really would like to learn how to make a dust ruffle from your cat's hairballs and definitely would want to see how the stars look without their makeup rather than converse with whichever Crazy Old Woman is also occupying their space.

I was wrong.

Today I discovered the breakroom's enormous stash of Harlequin Romances. I have never seen so much girl porn in my life. They all sit, dilapidated and clearly read many times, on the back table where the older women put their coats and thermoses. I laughed out loud when I finally noticed them. So that's what everyone's been reading instead of this god-awful ten year old National Geographic. The Bride and the Cowboy.

I'm not sure if I'm deeply pleased by this or if I've just lost my will to live.

moving along

It seems that I am over the hump of mono enough to send a brief bulletin to the world.

I am mostly fine, still tired, but I am once again able to form long enough thoughts to want to write them down, to wonder about friends and miss them. I am currently in the process of moving to one part of Portland to another, still adjusting to my new job and trying to find better ones (though I refused a job offer, stupid me), and making a serious effort to Make New Friends, which is pretty hard and brings out the most awkward in me. Sometimes it's charming when I'm awkward. Other times.... it's just awkward.

So yes. Moving this Saturday. Working (almost) full time. Setting up house. Finding other work. Trying to make myself well.

I suppose when I move I won't have the internet for a short amount of time. I will find the nearest library (though I fear Multnomah County libraries since I checked out a picture file when I was a freshman and never ever returned it... the library won't be free for me, I guess) and catch up. How do real people juggle everything? Jeebus.

ai yi yi

So... This post was going to be about many things.

The visit of Max and Dottie. The moving in and moving out of many dear friends. The first few days of my job. My constant, incessant phone-shyness. My search for a new home. The freaky little bugs inside my home. Other witty and interesting things.

But no.

This entry will be about mono. That is, mononucleosis. That is, that disease you get that makes you tired and unable to eat solid food and there is nothing you can do about it but live with it for many many weeks. That is, the thing that I have.

I discovered this today. The nice nurse at the ER told me. She also gave me a popsickle and a warm blanket. Too bad I have no insurance and it's going to cost me my firstborn. Good thing is... I can still work and feel miserable!

Ugh. Mono is doing tragic things to my brain and I can't remember or care about stuff and I feel weepy at the slightest drop of a hat. Please be nice to me. I will write more often when I am feeling not god-fucking-awful.

hired!

The fabric store hired me pretty much right away in my interview today and I start tomorrow. The fact that they were so eager to hire me makes me a little nervous. I smell the stink of desperation, and it is not a yummy smell. I think my interview with the law firm this morning went pretty okay, but I was nervous and stuttery and I realize that it will be a few days until they get in contact with me. Or tomorrow, really. They said they would be doing the second round of interviews Friday and Monday so I said to the fabric store people that I can't work then due to other engagements and hopefully I haven't tipped my hand... Doubtful. I also fear working with older crafty women and actually getting up and being somewhere in the morning.

The big news in the last paragraph is now because I have something it means I can pay for stuff and buy things and stop quietly freaking out about going broke and going back to Iowa . I can now look for a place to live in town before my sublet runs out at the end of the month (Hey, do you know anyone who wants to live with me?). I can stay in Portland (good). I don't have to go back to Iowa with my tail between my legs (better).

Whew.

when it rains, it pours

Whoa! My phone has been ringing off the hook in the past hour since my last post. I have interviews. Plural. Tomorrow. Law firm and fabric store. Holy crap.

phone shy 3: the land of non-answers

Called both the law firm and the science museum this morning. The man at the law firm (Doug, if I recall) has given me kind of a curt answer, the head of Human Resources is looking at the applications right now he doesn't know which applications are in but if she has mine I'll know they'll call me before the end of the week. Click. Gee, thanks Doug. I guess he's not a morning person. The science museum... the science museum actually didn't answer my phone call. Though it is open right now, and someone should be answering the damn phone, they clearly need more people working there. I'll call them later this afternoon. Frustration. There is something about getting non-answers from people that just garners resentment from me. Yes or no! Pick up the damn phone! Look up my name! It. Is. Not. That. Hard. I feel yanked around, toyed with. I still have to beg them for jobs/money/benefits. Sigh. Pride is a deadly sin, I guess.

At least there is still the fabric store. Of course, they haven't spoken to me on the phone yet.

hoofing it at the craft warehouse

On the tip of a friend, I applied today at the Mill End Store, and discovered yet another store where I could work and also spend all of my money. I'm glad I didn't bring my wallet. Dear lord, it had to be the biggest fabric store I have ever set foot in (which speaks to my fabric store experience? maybe?), and I had to walk around and browse for two hours to just take it all in. Yarns and notions and fabrics, oh my! I was overly excited by interesting quilts and am now hatching a plan to make myself a purple velveteen coat. Yes. Like out of Willy Wonka. I swear, I'm a crafty old lady trapped in a twenty-two year old's body.

The store itself, though huge, is pretty warehouse-y with weird lighting. I think working there would require a lot of standing and waiting-- not sure if I'm very excited about that. The tip of the friend says that it is actually not very fun to work there (she works there herself), so not fun that many people just quit-- that's why they're hiring. Hm. Well, I have no pride and even less money, so warehouses be damned. I hope I get an interview with them.

eggplants like wow

It's hot today. I feel compelled to do little but sit in my room with a hot computer in my lap thinking about yesterday's food victories instead of actually cooking or eating anything that's not mostly ice. This is good because 1) my kitchen is dirty and full of ants and I don't want to clean up my housemate's messes again and 2) I've been going through quite the cooking spurt lately, which has been a little embarassingly obsessive, and it's good that I take a break and write down what I've been doing.

So the other day I went to the Lebanese grocery store with my very fun friends Margaret and Jake on a trip to look at interesting birthday presents for Margaret's boyfriend. While they went off ogling the many olives and candy and hookahs the store had to offer, I was drawn in by the tiny egg-sized eggplants in the produce aisle. They were very cute, light purple and not as intimidating-looking as their bigger cousins. I had to know how to eat them, even if I'm not actually a fan of eggplants (I've had to suffer through the Korean version of eggplant which is so indescribably yucky and full of soy sauce that it's bound to scar anyone for life), they were too cute to pass up. And cheap. So I asked the nice Lebanese woman (I guess?) at the counter how to prepare them, and this is what she told me, or at least, this is my interpretation of what she told me:

Eggplants Like Wow

You'll need: tiny eggplants (about 4 to a serving), some ground meat, about half an onion to every pound of ground meat, cumin, ginger, cinnamon, tomatoes

• take the tiny eggplants and peel them, coat them with olive oil and bake them in the oven (I guessed at about 350) until they're golden brown
• meanwhile, fry up some ground meat of some sort (I used ground turkey) with some onion and spices (cumin, ginger and cinnamon)
• when the eggplants are done, cut a slit down the middle of the tiny guys. scoop out the insides of the eggplant with a spoon and mix it in with the meat.
• stuff the tiny eggplants with your meat mixture, top with diced tomatoes
• stick this back into the oven until the tomatoes are sort of melted.
• eat with rice. YUM.

I think this dish could be improved with some kind of sauce and green stuff, it's not particularly colorful or yummily liquidy. Maybe some kind of tahini-based sauce drizzled over the top? With some cilantro? I must try it again next time... Also, be warned, this dish is pretty labor-intense. You don't think peeling tiny eggplants would take a long time, but... whoa.

Apparently they are also served at the restaurant right next to the store. I'm pretty sure that what I made is nothing like what one would actually get, but I'm sure whatever that dish would actually be would be pretty damn good. Anyone interested on splitting an order?

phone shy part 2

I called both the law firm and the science museum this afternoon. This is not without the required bout of procrastinating, in which I slept in (I seem to be sleeping a ridiculous amount lately), mourned the loss of my home's TV (it left with a housemate), cleaned my room and patched up a pair of ripped jeans. Sometimes procrastination can be shockingly productive.

So, room sparkling and jeans without holes, I called the law firm and had to leave a message. Which means I'll have to have another phone conversation, early in the day, and this is still scary. I am also worried that I talked way way way too fast for the potential message-reciever to understand: "Hi-this-is-my-name-here-and-I-was-calling-to-see-if-you-recieved-my-application-here-is-my-phone-number-it-is-this-time.Thanks." Probably not the smoothest message I've ever left. I also called the science museum and there was some sort of peri-adolescent yahoo who told me with a cracking voice to call back in a few days. Maybe I should just head over to the museum myself (which would also be exciting, since I'd get to take a trip to the science museum!). This might be my project for tomorrow.

So. Phone call one done. Now for round of nerves two.

phone shy

have to say, I think the worst part of finding and applying for work is the "Hello, did you get my application?" phone call. I never know what to say, how to say it, or really figure out why I'm calling.

The phone is terrifying. Strangers who I can't see are scary. I will put off the phone call to the law firm until tomorrow morning. Then I will call the science museum. I will not wuss out any more.

Yipe.

a new tiny soul box

So. It's been awhile and I still don't have work (American Eagle has seemed to decided to blow me off, and I seem to have scraped my dignity off the floor and have stopped calling them begging for work), and I am still moping about it, and I am still freaking out. Not a lot has changed for me, as is wont for someone who has no job and has slid deep into the laziness of a warm summer, but lately I have been feeling a stirring.

Doing nothing all day has lost its glamour. I am sick of days of nothing. I no longer wish to watch Jerry Springer and imagine myself on a talk show. I dread discussing "what I do" to new people only to stutter and try to change the subject. I hate being broke. I hate asking my friends to keep an eye out for jobs for me. Asking one's parents for money is the worst thing in the world. I've decided to try tactic in getting work: Not wanting to work. Keeping busy. Having fun. Willfully. Once I don't want a job I will have a job. Right? Yeah? Yeah, right? I'm on vacation here. I'm not between anything.

Maybe. Well, it's been fun trying this tack regardless of the results. My past few days have been busy with beach trips, dog walking knitting, reading, cooking, and an oddly enjoyable bout of house-cleaning. I've come much closer to well-paying work than I have in quite awhile. As long as I keep shoving worry and doubt into a tiny box deep in my soul (right next to the one where I keep crying), things should be okay, yeah?

Eh, I'm not going to think about it and plot my next cooking project.

let it be recorded...

First complete money freakout:

July 8th, 2:37 pm.

Finding out that my job probably starts next week:

July 8th, 3:30 pm.

Whew. It's still not a good job, but you know, work is work.

to the two or three of you that read this:

my internet's out. no more bloggers for awhile. also: job front not looking good. must pull self out of doldrums...

unemployment(?) malaise

And so.

I went to the interview at American Eagle and it seems to have gone really well. The interview was smooth (I knew all of the right answers, having been through the retail mill before) and I looked reasonably smart and capable compared the doofus recent high school graduate who was, ahem, "really into fashion". In fact, i'm pretty sure I got the job. But only pretty sure (since they've called to tell me to schedule an orientation for after they've checked my references), and I won't feel satisfied and confident until i'm 100% sure. Yay for me, I think. Actually, I don't think 'Yay for me' at all. I don't like the store (I'm holding out for The Gap), I don't like the idea of working in general, and-- how else can I say this? I just graduated from a fancy college and the best I can do is the fucking mall? Hell, this is what I did in high school. I don't like coming full circle back to the mall. Ugh.

Of course, I have many craigslist postings I've emailed myself for cover letter writing and sending and I've done none of it. I am paralyzed with fear and low self-esteem. I need to kick myself in the ass or the brain or something...

I fear that I'm not working up to my potential. I am also deeply disturbed by the fact that I have no idea what that potential is, or where I want to go with it. Like a ship without a rudder. A very expensive and awkward ship, nonetheless.

interviews are fun

Today: Interview at temp agency. Was reminded of the TV show The Office (the British version, btw), which I've been watching much too much with my new housemates. I felt my soul deaden and was filled with dread. I have to go back tomorrow so they can tell me "whether or not they will be a good resource for me" meaning "whether or not I am remotely hireable". I don't know why, but my soul is filled with dread.

Spent afternoon eating breakfast, avoiding doing more job searching, and fixing the non-mail delivering problem at my house.

Next week: Group interview at American Eagle! Retail work! Yipee!

I must remember to turn in my application at The Gap.