to the two or three of you that read this:

my internet's out. no more bloggers for awhile. also: job front not looking good. must pull self out of doldrums...

unemployment(?) malaise

And so.

I went to the interview at American Eagle and it seems to have gone really well. The interview was smooth (I knew all of the right answers, having been through the retail mill before) and I looked reasonably smart and capable compared the doofus recent high school graduate who was, ahem, "really into fashion". In fact, i'm pretty sure I got the job. But only pretty sure (since they've called to tell me to schedule an orientation for after they've checked my references), and I won't feel satisfied and confident until i'm 100% sure. Yay for me, I think. Actually, I don't think 'Yay for me' at all. I don't like the store (I'm holding out for The Gap), I don't like the idea of working in general, and-- how else can I say this? I just graduated from a fancy college and the best I can do is the fucking mall? Hell, this is what I did in high school. I don't like coming full circle back to the mall. Ugh.

Of course, I have many craigslist postings I've emailed myself for cover letter writing and sending and I've done none of it. I am paralyzed with fear and low self-esteem. I need to kick myself in the ass or the brain or something...

I fear that I'm not working up to my potential. I am also deeply disturbed by the fact that I have no idea what that potential is, or where I want to go with it. Like a ship without a rudder. A very expensive and awkward ship, nonetheless.

interviews are fun

Today: Interview at temp agency. Was reminded of the TV show The Office (the British version, btw), which I've been watching much too much with my new housemates. I felt my soul deaden and was filled with dread. I have to go back tomorrow so they can tell me "whether or not they will be a good resource for me" meaning "whether or not I am remotely hireable". I don't know why, but my soul is filled with dread.

Spent afternoon eating breakfast, avoiding doing more job searching, and fixing the non-mail delivering problem at my house.

Next week: Group interview at American Eagle! Retail work! Yipee!

I must remember to turn in my application at The Gap.